Transformers: Rise of the Beasts

You know what - this is my favourite "Transformers" movie. Now that's not really saying much, most of them are pretty poor, but somehow the shamelessly derivative nature of this just made it more entertaining. It all starts with "Optimus Primal" (aka. "Kingus Kongus") having a fight with the all-consuming "Unicron" (narked because a typo robbed him of his chance to just be an horse with an horn) for a key that can open portals between worlds enabling the baddie to quite literally eat them and move on. The solution to that battle is a bit of a compromise and scoot forward hundreds of year and New Yorker "Noah" (Anthony Ramos) has a problem. His younger brother "Kris" (Dean Scott Vasquez) is very poorly and they cannot afford his medical bills. "Noah" turns to crime and that's where he encounters the newly invigorated "Autobots" who have realised that "Elena" (Dominique Fishback) - a researcher in a museum - has rediscovered the hidden key. They have to retrieve it before it falls into more malevolent hands. Soon the two hapless humans and their robots are engaged in a battle royal that sees the museum pretty much trashed before they head to Peru where they encounter the "Maximals" and the beautiful Inca terraces are soon for the chop too. So far I reckon we've been through loads of episodes of "Stargate" as well "King Kong" (probably the Peter Jackson one), "The Goblet of Fire"; "Independence Day", "Star Trek" (JJ Abrams version), all four "Indiana Jones" films - which, to be fair are even acknowledged in the script, and the armoured eagle "Airazor" reminded me of a hairier version of "Bubo" from "Clash of the Titans". The visuals are excellent and for the most part it's got plenty of action but as we near the ever-so-predictable denouement the pace slackens off and cheesy sentiment brings the thing to a grinding halt a couple of times! There's no jeopardy at all, really, and given that "Optimus Prime" - maybe he ought to be called "Hopeless Prime" because he is pretty useless in a fight - gets to make his grand speech at the end, I'm sure there will be more for our intrepid young "Noah" to come. Big screen essential - this will look bland and repetitive on the telly. Maybe it'll help sell some toys?