Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

At least this is bit shorter than the previous edition of the franchise, but sadly it isn't really any better. Rob Marshall has taken the helm and we have lost Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley - who presumably recognised that the boat has sailed on this much weakened fantasy adventure series. This time around "Jack" (a rather battle-weary Johnny Depp) finds himself looking for the fountain of youth with the newly Anglicised "Barbossa" (Geoffrey Rush) in hot pursuit of him and of his old flame "Angelica" (Penélope Cruz) who happens to be none other than the the daughter of the legendary "Blackbeard" (Ian McShane). Now she is clever. She convinces "Jack" that her dad isn't so well, and that only an elixir of this water can cure him. Thing is, is "Jack" gullible enough to fall for this yarn? Are we? Of course it's not so simple - not only do they need to find the water, they must also find a couple of charmed chalices and, naturally, the tear of a mermaid - the latter creatures not being so benign as Walt Disney's other films might suggest. The visuals are great with a new slew of scary beasties from the depths to entertain us, but the story is pretty weak and the established characterisations struggle to resonate in anything like the way they used to. Sam Claflin adds a bit of eye candy and Richard Griffiths looks every inch the part as George II, but McShane is one of my least favourite character actors - he only has the one gear - and Miss Cruz seems more like a fish out of water than a duck taking to it. There's far too much dialogue and the denouement is stretched beyond breaking point before the obligatory "next time" pointer to the next instalment of this over-tired series. "Pirates of the Caribbean" ought to hang up it's hat now; it's had it's day.