Baby Driver

There is an episode of Tales from the Crypt wherein the protagonist’s conscience sounds just like – and is played by – Sam Kinison. OH! OH! AAAUGH! This is only slightly worse than tinnitus but still slightly better than Baby Driver, the story of an idiot savant who is the best getaway driver in Atlanta – with the caveat that he needs to listen to his iPod; when at the mercy of FM radio, Baby (Ansel Elgort) becomes Tyrone from Snatch. Baby suffers from tinnitus. To drown out the ringing in his ears, Baby constantly listens to music – which is like putting out a fire with gasoline – even when fleeing at full speed from the scene of a crime. Right. Children, do not play loud music on your headphones while driving a vehicle. Baby is in love with a waitress named Deborah. The coffee shop where Deborah works must be worse than the Carson McCullers’s Sad Café; how else can you explain her piss-poor decision-making? Deborah has no problem running away with a guy who 1) she practically just met, 2) like Cameron Diaz's brother in There's Something About Mary, loses his sh*t when someone touches his precious earphones, 3) associates freely with criminals, 4) is himself a criminal, 5) has “every clean and dirty cop” after him, and 6) constantly puts her in danger (Deborah is willing to wait five years for Baby to get out of jail. She had to make a living somehow during that time, so I guess the cafeteria wasn't so bad after all). Maybe it's true that women like “bad boys” – which Baby most certainly is, regardless of how innocent the movie wants us to think he is. During the third act Baby is directly or indirectly responsible for four deaths; almost five when he uses Deborah as bait to distract the psychopathic Buddy (Jon Hamm). And speaking of psychos, Bats (Jamie Foxx) is basically Motherf---er Jones from Horrible Bosses on crack – in spite of which he is the only sensible character in the film (“The driver must be the eyes and ears, not just the eyes”). On the plus side, there is an admittedly funny moment concerning a discussion about the difference between a Halloween (as in the horror film) mask and a Mike Myers mask. Moreover, Kevin Spacey is a delight as always, and to no one’s surprise he and Foxx have the best lines – or at least the best delivery.