Hercules

Dwayne Johnson has always been able to give off that cheeky look, as if to say "Hey - I can't believe I'm doing this for a living!" - here he manages to add "and, I'll bet neither can you!"... Based loosely on Greek legend, he is the eponymous hero who has to rescue his perilously poised nephew "Iolaus" (Reece Ritchie) from a fate worse than death, then take his sword to work for the rather feeble King "Eurystheus" of Thrace (Joseph Fiennes) and his feisty daughter "Atalanta" (Ingrid Bolsø Berdal) against the ruthless Lord "Cotys" (John Hurt - a man who also looks like drink has been taken). Anyway, what now ensues is a collection of reasonably produced set-piece action scenarios as our demi-god must parry and thrust he way through all sorts of peril. Aside from the two at the top of the bill, it really does plumb the deaths of British cinema mediocrity - Ian MacShane and Rufus Sewell being chief amongst the acting "talent" that ought to have fallen on their swords shortly before the titles ran. The visual effects are fine, and there is plenty of adventure to be had - but the dialogue is banal and even the usually reliable Rebecca Ferguson can find nothing to spice this up. Pity - these are great and unlimited tales for the big screen; this one might just keep you entertained on a long train journey on your iPhone. Ham, anyone?